Guilt Vs. Grief

As a good friend of mine was preparing to leave Missoula to follow God on an adventure to Phoenix Arizona, we got together for some fellowship over a pumpkin milkshake at McDonald's. It was a bitter sweet time; Bitter because I knew we wouldn't be able to continue to have times like that, but sweet because the LORD guided us into some great and encouraging conversation. One of the things we talked about I want to share with you in this blog, and others I will probably share in future blogs. I hope this blesses you as much as it blessed my friend and I.

In 2 Corinthians 7:9-10 we read "As it is, I rejoice, not because you were grieved, but because you were grieved into repenting. For you felt a godly grief, so that you suffered no loss through us. For godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret, whereas worldly grief produces death.". Although my friend Mark and I didn't reference this particular scripture in our casual conversation, we spoke of the principle communicated in it; The fact that there are two types of responses to our sin. When we sin, as Christians, our response is either a godly grief which leads to repentance, or a worldly grief, which is really just guilt that leads to death.

I'd like to illustrate for you the difference between guilt and grief. I work in a call center in the customer service field. This is a very stressful job that often consists of taking the brunt of people's frustrations about their dissatisfaction with the product they are receiving. This is definitely not a job that just anyone can do. You have to be built for this type of work, and to be honest, sometimes I wonder if I am built for it. But let's say one day I go into work and I finally just lose it. I haven't been praying or reading my bible, so I'm not walking in the Spirit, and it just so happens that I get a phone call where a customer is yelling and cursing at me. In the moment I forget where I am and what I'm doing and I retaliate with harsh and hurtful words. I don't curse at him, but I might as well because I am talking to this customer with hatred in my heart. Later when I get home, what I happens? I feel guilty. I shouldn't have done that. It was wrong of me. Oh, well. What's done is done. I'll just move on and try not to do that anymore. That is guilt.

Here is the contrast. I'm married to the most beautiful woman I know. Not a day goes by when I don't consider how blessed I am to have her in my life. But this particular day I've had a bad day. Work was especially stressful and I am just looking forward to getting home and "vegging out". Much to my disappointment, when I arrive at home "vegging out" isn't an option. My wife, who also worked a full 8 hour day, is trying to get dinner done, but needs me to go to the store quickly for an ingredient she's missing. Once I get back the kids need help with their homework and I've got to do it because she has laundry to do after dinner. All I want to do is sit on the couch and look at my iPhone, but I do what she asks begrudgingly and dutifully. When I come home from the store my wife doesn't hesitate to inform me that what I bought was not at all what she needed; apparently I misunderstood. That's it. At this point I loose my temper and begin to yell and scream at her. I search and find the most hurtful things that I can possibly say to her so that she will feel twice as bad as how I feel. When she tries to calm me I raise my hand as though I'm going to hit her as a means of "showing her that I mean business". Once she looks at me with fear in her eyes and runs off crying to our bedroom, it hits me. "What have I done?" At this point, what happens? I am grieved! How could I do such a thing to someone I love so deeply! My soul vexes within me as I cry and ask myself over and over, "What did I do? What did I do? What did I do?" That is grief.

By God's grace, neither of these are true stories from my life, but rather they are fictional stories to illustrate the difference between guilt and grief. In both of these stories the sin was the same; a loss of temper that manifested itself in a raised voice and hurtful words. What made the difference? The difference was in the relationship I had with the one I had sinned against. I merely felt guilty for yelling at the customer at work because I didn't know him from Adam. He was no one important to me, so I felt guilty only because I knew I should. But my wife is a different story. I love her. I cherish her. I know her very intimately and care for her very deeply. The thought that I had done anything to hurt her crushed me beyond words.

Many of us know the story of King David's sin of adultery and murder against Bathsheeba and Uriah. After all is said and done in that situation, David acknowledges that he has sinned against God and God alone. What about Bathsheeba? What about Uriah's family? Oh, David had sinned against all of them, but most importantly, what David realized, is that all of his sin was against God, and that grieved him. Our response to sin is going to be directly related to our relationship with the one we sin against. If God is someone we love and treasure, and cherish above all things, we will be grieved when we sin against Him. It will crush us and vex us deep within our souls to know that we have done anything against the one whom we love more than life; we will be grieved by our sin and it will lead to repentance. But if God isn't that important to us, chances are that when we sin against Him we'll just feel guilty. It won't much matter to us that we've offended and hurt our God; we'll mainly just feel guilty because we know we should...and that will lead to death.

So what is your response to your sin? Is it guilt or grief? Do you experience godly grief that leads to repentance, or do you just feel guilty (AKA wordly grief)? If we only feel guilty then the chances are that we don't love God as much as we would like to believe we do. If this is the case, how do we cultivate deeper love for God? I'll answer this in an upcoming blog. (hint: read James 4:8) But what about those that are grieved? Do we allow our grief to consume us? Is there hope for us once we know that we've sinned against the one we love? This answer also to come in an upcoming blog.(hint: read Micah 7:8-10)

Issac